I.
Hate.
Winter.
Not just a little bit. I hate it with the kind of hate that would make the Emperor smile and say, “Gooood! Use your hate! Give in to the Dark Side!”
Loathe, detest, abhor, despise – all fine words, but simply inadequate in describing the depth of my hatred of the months of January and February.
I guess I should cut January and February a little slack. It’s not so much them I despise as it is the weather they bring. I remember a few years back when everyone was talking about “El Niño.” It was great. The coldest it got all winter was somewhere around 40. That I can deal with.
But day after day after day after day of 5-, 10-, 15-, 20-degree weather is enough to make me want to buy a second SUV and start using aerosol products. Global warming? Where do I sign up?
Winter should end on Dec. 26. At that point, I want to see buds on the trees, robins, and pitchers and catchers reporting. Put the Christmas tree away and get out the golf clubs.
Alas, this is my lot in life. It’s probably one of those tests of character that I continue to fail, year after year after year. Maybe one day I’ll get over it.
But I doubt it.
10 comments:
Move here. =)
Don't tempt me when I am in a weakened condition like this. The hard part is, March through December I love Ohio. But January and February, uggh, no thanks.
Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Huge people do not belong in frosty climes because their bodies are inefficiently designed for the cold (too much surface area to cover and insulate and too much surface area allows your body heat to dissapate easier.)
Very tall people belong somewhere warm like Africa where it is not important to conserve body heat and it doesn't matter how much surface area you have.
Is it November yet?
I don’t recall if I have ever addressed this issue on here before. If I have, I apologize because I am about to repeat myself.
I.
Hate.
Republicans.
:)
I want beach-front property in Ohio by 2020. Global warming? Everyone says it like it's a bad thing. Bring it ON!
The added benefit of the (arguably mythic) pending disaster to our eastern and western seaboards is the depopulation of those hotbeds for inebriated liberals.
Liberalism - it's a mental disorder.
Hey Lima got a mention in the Tucson Newspaper in a requiem for Larry Smith, a former coach at the Uof A who died recently. Here's the quote...
"Sitting in the press box at an Arizona football game last fall, (Larry) Smith spoke fondly of his days as a high school ballplayer when a "big night out" in Lima, Ohio, was watching TV while munching popcorn and eating apples."
Now I know why they call you "Holsapples" it's probably cuz you eat the whole apples.
^^ Groan - wow, that was really lame.
I'm used to "strange" humor and sad puns - runs in the family. But - wow... :)
Hey the etiology of the name had to originate somewhere.
Maybe one of the ancestors sold apples with holes in them?
They'd ask him "How much for the apples Guvner?"
He'd say:
"Two pence for these apples and a ha' pence for these other apples."
"Why, wats wrong with dem other apples, Guv'ner?"
"Dem der apples are "Holes Apples."
---
Over multiple generations the term was shortened and scrunched together and "voila!" Holsapples!!
Then you probably had a bunch of other sayings that originate from that, like "A Holsapple a day keeps the Doctor away."
And the ever popular "One bad holes apple ruins the Hol' apple Bunch."
I'm not saying I'm positive, but these are a few pretty good theories.
Here's one last really bad apple joke...
"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?"
"Finding half a worm in your apple..."
Thank you, I'll be here all weak...
Haha - yeah "all WEAK" is right. :)
Post a Comment