It dawned on me this evening that I really haven’t written anything of any substance in quite some time. Not just on this blog. Anywhere. For years being a writer defined me. Now I don’t even do it anymore. And that bothers me.
Instead I send most of my time trying to figure out how to get four separate groups of teenagers interested in writing for the 45 minutes a day that they are in my class. I think I'm failing miserably. How do you know if you are doing a good job teaching? I honestly have no clue. I just try to mimic things that my teachers did that I thought was interesting. Sadly, a lot of that has been lost due to the fact that I have been out of high school for more than 15 years.
There are certain aspects of law school that I absolutely do not miss – Contracts being one of them. But I do really, really miss the level of stimulating conversation both in-class and out. Trying to explain things to kids who weren’t even alive when the Berlin Wall fell, or who were only six years old on 9/11, can be next to impossible.
They have zero points of reference. Things have to be explained from the very beginning in the most basic language. They ask questions that I don’t know how to answer because they are so overly simplistic.
Not that I am some great intellectual. But there is just something about discussing the Catholic church’s role in Mexican history over a nice dinner with friends after a long day of adverse possession and subject matter jurisdiction that I miss.
Will I go back? I honestly don’t know. I got a chance to talk with the county prosecutor when he came to our school to do a presentation on Internet safety and he encouraged me to go back and just work on it part-time. I have to admit – that sounds like a fairly attractive option.
I do miss the friends I made at
Could I get myself psyched up for it again? I don’t know. I was so mentally and emotionally drained at the time that I said I didn’t care if I ever went back. Now with a little time to cauterize the wound, I’m thinking maybe-I-don’t-know-possibly.
I’m just not sure I’m cut out for this teaching business.
8 comments:
John, hungry and starved for intellectual stimulation, seeks solace in the LOLcats sub-culture.
*ahem*
It probably is hard to gauge how effective your influence is on the kids, but everything I've heard about your classes is VERY positive.
That's interesting what you mention about the students frame of reference...didn't think of that before. Most of them weren't really old enough (or alive enough) to recognize the significance of those paradigm-shifting events. Amazing.
Of course that same frame of reference, I would imagine, applies to those in their 70's - 80's who's early lives were dominated by the Third Reich. Our perception of their reality is limited to grainy, sepia footage and republished diaries.
Being a teacher and attempting to transfer important events that have shaped our world (for good and bad) can be an incredible way of transforming how a young[er] person sees the world.
And of course, removing naivety from young minds has the side effect of revealing the occasional wunderkind.
Anyways...If you ever feel like making the trek up to Toledo I can promise you some serious, intelligent, and mind blowing conversations...
10 YARDS AT A TIME!
- The LOLraus
After teaching, er, trying to teach English to 7th and 8th graders, LOLcats seem highly intellectual by comparison.
Go Bucks!
The sad thing is most of those 7th and 8th graders never get any smarter than they are right now -- they just become Republicans and vote the straight Republican ticket.
So you are surrounded by relatively unintelligent, uniformed people who have no real interests and very little of substance to say...
All I can say is, welcome to my world Mr. Hullinger!
I wonder how it is that someone can be so conceited and so wrong all at once....
John<
This sure does not sound like the confident, almost cocky reporter that I used to know. Sometimes life deals you a bad hand. The key is knowing when to fold, take a deep breath and then jump back into the game!
At this point if you are thinking that teaching is not for you, then it probably isn't. To lose interest this fast should be a giant blinking warning sign.
I would agree that if you want law school bad enough that you should take the prosecutors advice and go part time. You seemed to have found your calling there, so don't let one bad experience foul it up!
Take a page from Zanardi and buckle down (or on as the case may be) and get on with what you want to do with your life.
All my best to you Jess and Janessa this Christmas season.
Chuck
P.S. Israel - you are wrong. If someone need to be non thinking they pull the lever marked DEM. That way the government can take care of then instead of them taking care of themselves!
Chuck,
It's great to hear from you! I have to admit, the picture isn't as bleak as this post made it out to be. I enjoy teaching 99.9 percent of the the time. But there are moments when you just get so frustrated because you feel like you just aren't getting through to the kids, and not just in terms of education.
In a small Christian school like this you really get to know the kids on a much more personal level than in some large public school. You know a lot more about their personal lives, problems, and struggles. You want so bad to have a positive impact on their lives, to help them see that they can make a difference in their own lives, that they don't have to remain a victim to a rough home life, that they can overcome that.
But they don't often see that. I wrote this post after a particularly frustrating day. I've had more time for reflection since then and I really feel this is where God wants me for right now. Part of me does want to go back to law school. But when I took this job I made a commitment to these kids. In this position, in this school, right now, these kids need stability and constancy.
It's funny that you mentioned Zanardi. In my 7th and 8th grade literature class we did a unit on courage. I spent a whole class day talking about Zanardi and what he went through. We watched the Letterman interview he did after the crash (It's on YouTube). By the way, in terms of reference points, only one student (out of 14) had ever heard of Mario Andretti (and that was just because her dad owns a Firestone dealership)! But now they all have heard of Alex Zanardi and think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But I haven't given up on my dreams. I'm just taking a timeout.
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